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The Vacancy of Relationship Intimacy and How to Get It Back?

Has the spark left your relationship? Does it feel like it's been eons since your partner really saw or heard you? Have kids, careers, and mortgages left you craving for some alone time with your significant other? Does the lack of connection make you feel furious, embittered, or just plain awful sometimes? Do you long for your partner to feel a connection and want him or her to yearn for the same sense of belongingness?

Highs and Lows Are Normal

Even the most intimate relationships will go through phases of sentimental and sensual strain. It's not uncommon to wonder during these periods if you still truly understand the individual you once fell in love with.

It is normal to wonder during these frequent bouts of loneliness why the spark went out and if it can be brought back.

Restoring intimacy with your partners can often feel heartrendingly painful.

Though undoubtedly scary, the connection that seems lost can be repaired. The golden key to a successful, loving relationship is effective communication.

Communication Is Key

It can be taxing to speak frankly about emotions and can often make partners feel vulnerable, particularly if you've both been walking on eggshells for a while. However, expressing your emotions is the only opportunity to shift towards strengthening your companionship. Sharing openly, though intimidating, actually generates intimacy.

Restoring Physical Intimacy

The bedtime routines of certain partners become an elaborate ritual around one lingering question: if and when either one of them will initiate physical intimacy.

Impairment of sexual desire in a relationship can start very innocuously, soon turning into something bigger, paralyzing the lovemaking approach of both the partners.

Identifying your partner's turn-offs is absolutely vital if you want a successful relationship. Your spouse is inclined to feel varying states of reduced sexual attraction until you correctly classify and address them.

While physical affection is typically synonymous with sex, it also includes hugging, kissing, or even the simple act of holding hands. Practice intimacy in small steps.

Meaningful Engagements

Taking up hobbies together can also contribute to healing the crevices in your relationship. Cooking together or even starting a new show together can help you interact with your partner in a neutral setting which can, in turn, lead to meaningful conversations, laughs, and the restoration of intimacy in surprising ways.


The thought of reconnecting can be very frightening, mainly if either or both of you conclude that your relationship is beyond remedy. You might also want to ask yourself, however, how long the two of you have been fighting or feeling alienated from one another, and how long you can keep the charade up.

All our psychologists at the Psychology, Counselling and Wellbeing Centre are trained in relationship counselling. Our team can recognise the patterns in a couple’s communication that are causing problems and can assist to help change those patterns. Call us on 07 3891 2273 to schedule an appointment and find more information about our services.

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